You Want Me To Fail The Exams? Oh HELL No!
by Invincible Shadow
Summary: When Sakura gets signed up for the ANBU exams by her team, all hell breaks loose. Sasuke is brooding when she passes, Naruto thinks she wants to take the title of future Hokage from him, Shisui is perving, and Itachi is... Flirting with Sakura! WTF!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! I'm still trying to get 50 reviews in my other story, **_**Daddy? How Could You!**_**  
>Right now, we're on 49, and it's getting so, so, so close!<strong>

**Anyway, this is a start to a new fanfic I thought of while in a shower. Showers have some imagination-stimulating powers, I swear.**

**~::~**

**Sakura's P.O.V.**

I burst through the Hokage's office, interrupting whatever meeting that was going on at the moment. I couldn't care less

"_WHAT THE HELL, SHISHOU?" _I was sure the whole bloody Konoha heard me. Hn, good.

"Sakura!" Tsunade boomed, she was the one that spiked my (already quite hot) temper, when we first started training as Master/Student. Great role model she is, isn't she? "What do you want?"

I forced myself to calm down and not break the first thing that my eyes landed on (which happened to be an awesome Chinese vase – I liked that vase, I couldn't break it), and calmly explain the reason behind my outburst.

**Mission: Calm Sakura The Fuck Down = Epic FAIL**

"_Why the __**FUCK**__ is my name on the list for the next __**ANBU **__exams? I didn't even sign up! Now, please tell me so I can go and pummel whoever signed me up 6 feet underground and then dance around their grave laughing sadistically." _That, was my Inner speaking. Or rather, hissing.

Don't look at me like that!

I took a deep breath before continuing, "So, who was it?"

I was sure there were about five pairs of eyes burning a hole through my head, but like I said earlier, I couldn't care less at the moment.

Tsunade sighed.

"Listen Sakura, I knew you were going to react that way, as I TOLD YOU SHE WOULD" Tsunade glared at someone over my shoulder, but I dismissed it for the time being

"But, you must understand, you are the strongest kunoichi from Konoha 11 at the moment, the best medic in all of the Hidden Villages, the apprentice of Godaime Hokage, or rather, **was** an apprentice of mine – you've already surpassed me, your Genin team consisted of an Uchiha, The Copy Ninja himself, and the Kyuubi vessel, you scored the most, right after Shikamaru, on your Genin, Chunin _**AND**_ Jounin theory tests, and you survived Ibiki's torture session while still staying sane and mentally stable – although I do think that the torture enlarged your sadistic views, but that's beside the point – what I'm getting at, is that you are meant to be in ANBU! Think about it! Plus, you would be the first of Konoha 11 to become ANBU if you passed." Tsunade wiggled her eyebrows at the last part thinking that this would change my mind.

"Thanks for the praise, Shishou, but you haven't answered my question – who put me on the list?"

"Oh, damn, I thought you would forget." Tsunade sighed – "It was Kakashi, Sai, Sasuke and Naruto – You've got my permission to pummel them to your heart's content."

I smiled and the replied in such a sickly sweet voice that Tsunade winced.

"Thank you, now, could you please ask Shizune to book 4 beds in the '_With Life-Threatening Injuries_' when I finish with my four idiots of teammates, even their own fucking mother won't recognise them."

I turned around and saw the ever so stoic Itachi Uchiha, Shisui Uchiha – the biggest perv in the village right after Kakashi and Jiraya. Genma – Hm, scratch the thing about Shisui, this guy is even worse, and a rather shocked Hana Inuzuka. Oh, and guess who else? My damn sensei who was now trying to stealthily escape and run for his dear life.

"Oh, no, you're so **not** getting out of this one. _**ALIVE**_."

With that being said I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and flung him out of the open window on the top if the Hokage Tower. Heh : )

"Damn, Sakura-chan!" Shisui wolf-whistled "I knew you were vicious, but this is just…"

"Freakin' scary, is what he meant." Genma finished for him "But sexy as hell."

He smirked.

Oh, he so didn't.

"Genma, if I didn't know that Itachi-san would put me in his Mangekayo Sharingan 72 Hours Of Pain technique, I would have your ass handed to you. In _**PIECES.**_

Genma chuckled.

"I bet you would, Sakura."

"Is that a challenge, Genma-_kun?"_

Genma paled.

"N-No Sakura!"

I smirked.

"I thought so. Bye Tsunade-Shishou!"

As Sakura walked out, Shisui let out a breath.

"She's hot. As in, sexy hot. But scary as fuck."

"I'm with you there," Genma said.

Suddenly, a whisper was heard.

"You guys suck at recognising _Replacement Techniques_, how did you even get into ANBU?"

They looked up and above their heads, was Sakura Haruno, sticking to the ceiling with chakra on her feet.

They were screwed…

**~::~**


	2. Revenge

**Hey guise! I was reading over my old stories, and then I decided to update this one, since it's the holidays, and I have a bit of free time : ) I'm really surprised at how my writing style changed… It's really weird.**

**Anyway, I hope this chapter won't disappoint. I tried my bestest to recreate the reactions, but I know it's OOC anyway. Hope you don't mind ;)**

**Without further ado,**

**ENJOY!**

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><p>Itachi Uchiha watched, amused, out of the window, as the Godaime's ex-apprentice pummelled his teammates into a groaning <em>mush<em>. Genma and Shisui were two of the most competent ninja Konoha had seen, yet Itachi supposed there was some truth in the saying 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'. It certainly seemed like that.

The rosette was everywhere at once, blocking off every possible route of escape with clones and reducing visibility with the dust that rose from her trademark ground-punches. All Itachi could hear were the groans coming from his teammates when particularly nasty punches connected with their bodies.

"DON'T EVEN TRY TO LOOK UP MY SKIRT, YOU FILTHY MAN-WHORE!"

Itachi winced at the sheer volume of the yell, and inwardly pitied his teammates. Though, truthfully, it was their fault for pissing off the second-most hot-tempered kunoichi in the village.

"So, what do you think, Itachi?" Tsunade asked, having noticed how intently he was observing the pinkette. "Will she fit in?"

"I believe we should wait for her to pass the exams before making that particular judgement." The Uchiha responded coolly.

"Oh, come on, Itachi! You and I both know she'll pass it with no sweat! I have the utmost faith in my apprentice." The Godaime scolded.

"Hn. We'll see." Itachi replied and bowed, before he disappeared.

"And you, Inuzuka?" Tsunade inquired, turning to the still-shocked Hana.

"I-I think she'll fit right in, Hokage-sama!" yet her eyes remained wide and disbelieving as she turned back to watching the rosette punch her teammates six feet under. "She's certainly violent enough." She muttered under her breath.

Tsunade smirked. _Oh yeah. Tsunade vs. Elders – Tsunade: 1, Old Farts: 0_

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><p>"<strong>NARUTO!"<strong>

Back at the ramen stand, the blonde in question winced. "Do you think she knows, Sai?" he asked his pale companion.

"Well, dick-less, I don't think Ugly is the sort of person to randomly yell your name out in public, so yes, I suppose she does."

"Ah, we're screwed." The jinchuuriki sighed sheepishly as he scratched his neck.

"Correction, Naruto. _You're _screwed." And before Naruto could so much as blink, Kakashi and Sai disappeared in a poof of smoke, just as he heard somebody crack their knuckles right next to his ear.

"Is there something you wish to tell me before I kill you, Naruto?" the rosette asked in a sickly-sweet tone.

"Uh…" he stammered. "You're… very pretty, Sakura-chan…?"

"Wrong answer." The pinkette hissed sadistically, her eyes glinting maliciously.

_**SMACK!**_

* * *

><p>"Tsunade-sama! I thought Sakura-chan was kidding when she said to book the four beds!" Shizune burst into the Godaime's office, only to see Tsunade sputtering and gasping for breath as she shook with laughter, looking back and forth between whatever was on her desk and the rosette standing by the window.<p>

"Ah, hello Shizune-nee." Sakura greeted cheerfully, seemingly unaffected by the Hokage's laughing attack. In fact, she was grinning too!

Shizune jumped forward and snatched the – what appeared to be a photo – from the Godaime's desk, and she couldn't believe her eyes. Tsunade burst out laughing at how the younger woman's face paled and her eyes widened comically.

"S-Sakura-chan… You didn't…" she whispered pleadingly.

"Oh, but she did!" Tsunade chortled.

On the picture, all four of Sakura's teammates were shirtless, tied together, each looking more miserable than the other. Their hair had been dyed a fluorescent pink, and equally pink lipstick and neon blue eye-shadow had been dabbed on their faces, looking like it had been applied by a five-year-old. But, worst of all, Shizune thought grimly, was the flag stuck in the middle of the four; the picture had been taken at the perfect moment, when it was fully unfurled, so the writing on it was perfectly clear: '_Team Dick-less Cowards – consists of: leader: Kakashi Hatake, and fellow side-kicks: Naruto Uzumaki, Sasuke Uchiha and Sai. Ahoy!'._

Shizune paled. "You didn't… please, tell me you didn't, Sakura-chan." She pleaded.

The rosette could only smirk. "Oh, I did. And I may have also printed about a hundred copies and stuck them in random places around the Village." Her smirk grew. "One, coincidentally, by the very entrance to the Uchiha Compound."

Tsunade, if that was possible, laughed even harder. "I've taught you well!" she praised hysterically. "This beats what I did to Orochimaru and Jiraya when we were kids by miles!"

"Oh? What did you do, Shishou?" Sakura inquired, a sadistic smirk appearing on her lips.

And Shizune watched, powerless, as the two women launched into a heated, although laughter-filled discussion, comparing whose punishment had been more severe, and cheering for girl power.

_Sometimes, it's hard to remember that these are the two most powerful women in the entire Village… _she thought dejectedly, then left the office. There would undoubtedly be a very angry, very insulted Uchiha Head who would need to be placated. She sighed again. Oh, the things she did for the two.

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><p>Itachi Uchiha stopped as soon as his feet touched the ground of Training Ground Seven. He discretely rubbed his eyes, sure that what he was seeing was the result of over-using the Mangekyou. Because there was no way, <em>no way, <em>that what he was seeing was real. He took his hands away from his eyes, and looked again. Nope. Still the same result.

His mortification only grew when his teammates, having finally caught up with him, stopped in their tracks once their eyes landed on the scene before them, then fell to the ground, laughing hysterically.

Only Hana remained somewhat composed, though she now resembled a fish out of water; eyes wide, and mouth moving, yet no words coming out. Itachi sighed. So. He wasn't imagining things.

He steeled himself to look at the dreadful scene again – _his mind was already scarred after seeing it the first time_ – and turned to face the four men in the middle of the clearing. It took him a few seconds to recognise his brother – pink really wasn't the younger Uchiha's best colour. Itachi's mind broke, though, when he saw the flag. There was no doubt in his mind as to who was the culprit behind this. And he suddenly realised why the Godaime had sent him straight to this place after they returned from their mission. She obviously sided with whoever did this.

_Well, she is her Shishou… _he reasoned. Still, he didn't think he could handle looking at his brother in such an… _incriminating _state. He didn't need any more nightmares.

"Hana, you are dismissed. Shisui, Genma; once you recover, I suggest you untie them. I have to report this to Otou-san." He stated brusquely, then left without another word.

Outside of the clearing, he allowed a small smile to surface. As immature as he thought the rosette to be, she was proving to be quite interesting. Plus, she managed to put Shisui and Genma in their place, a feat which even he struggled with sometimes.

Perhaps… he would subtly slip in a request to be her overseer for the upcoming ANBU exams. It would give him a chance to study the enigma of a girl the rosette was. And it would pacify his mother, hopefully enough to stop her constant attempts to get Itachi to socialise more with the opposite sex.

_Yes_, the Uchiha decided. _I will do that_.

Nothing better than killing two birds with one stone.

But right now, he would have to help Shizune placate his Father. He sighed. Then, a devilish thought formed in his mind; _perhaps I could just send a Shadow Clone… It's not like anyone would realise._

Itachi smirked.

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><p><strong>And, here it is. I know it took forever – over two years! Sheesh. I feel like a very bad writer… - but it's here now! So, Merry Christmas to all! I promise the next update will come a lot sooner!<strong>

**Love,**

**Invincible Shadow**


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